21 key questions to ask your aging parent

Navigating the needs of aging parents is a responsibility that many aren’t prepared to do. It can be challenging physically, emotionally, and even financially, but there are resources and tools available to help you get started. Whether you’re noticing signs your senior loved one may need more help, or they’re fully independent and the conversation is focused on the future, having thoughtful, proactive conversations about caregiving is essential.

Early conversations can prevent stress and uncertainty if there’s an emergency and ensure that you’re prepared to respect your parent’s wishes. It can also ease some of the discomfort if the discussion is purely hypothetical at the time.

Start with this communication guide to help you establish a caregiving plan with your senior loved one.

Prepare for your conversation

Do your homework

Note any observations about your senior loved one or signs of concern, considering their personal health and safety, mental health, and daily life in their home environment. Research available resources and potential options for additional caregiving support. The more prepared you are, the better you’ll be able to answer questions and address their concerns.

Make a list of questions to ask

The best way to get answers is to ask directly. Initiate a two-way conversation so you can fully assess the situation and understand their priorities and preferences. Start with what’s most relevant to your parent’s immediate needs in case they get overwhelmed. This doesn’t have to be all at once — you can take breaks and address additional questions over time. 

Here are 21 questions you can choose from to guide your initial conversation. 

Be a financially smart family!

Be a financially smart family!

From saving for the future to understanding credit, see how families are thriving with Greenlight.

Try Greenlight today

Health and daily living

• How are you feeling lately? Have you experienced any health issues or safety scares?  

• Are you able to manage your doctor visits and medications? Do you need any help with scheduling, follow-ups, or getting to appointments?  

• Have any of your daily tasks — like dressing, meals, chores, or driving — become more challenging lately? Do you need any support or have any mobility concerns, like tripping or falling?

Future living plans

• Have you considered where you’d want to live if managing your home becomes too much or if you can no longer take care of yourself?

• What is your preference for senior living options — home care, assisted living, independent living communities, or moving closer to family?  

• Would you want help with a senior living plan, such as finding community support resources and researching the best facilities for the future?  

Finances  

• Do you have savings for retirement and senior living expenses, such as health care, home modifications, or caregiving, if needed?  

• Do you have long-term care insurance? 

• Have you had any difficulty managing your budget and monthly expenses?

• Are you aware of the dangers of financial fraud and how to protect your finances? Would you be open to learning how I can help protect you from fraud, scams, and identity theft with Greenlight Family Shield protections?

Information access

• Are your medical records up to date and easy to find, including health insurance, doctors’ information, conditions, and medications?

• Are your financial records up to date and easy to find, including account information, account numbers, usernames, and passwords for banking, investments, and insurance? 

• Would you be willing to share access to your records so that I can assist in the future if necessary, or help you prepare them?

• Are important documents accessible, like wills, property deeds, and titles?

Legal preparedness 

• Who do you trust to make important decisions on your behalf if you're unable to?  

• Do you have legal documents in place, such as an advance healthcare directive (living will) or a durable power of attorney?  

• Would you like help from me or a professional to create or review your legal documents to ensure they’re up to date?

Open-ended wishes

• Do you have any specific wishes regarding your care in the future?

• Is there anything you’ve been worried about?  

• Are there other family members or loved ones you’d want to include in this planning process?  

• What’s something that’s most important to you about your future plans?

Starting the conversation

Choose an appropriate time and place 

The setting for your conversation can have an impact on the overall outcome. Avoid a busy or stressful time to ensure that everyone feels at ease, and choose a calm and private location without distractions. Consider writing down your thoughts in advance to help you choose your words and key points carefully. 

Use a supportive tone

Introduce the conversation gently and with empathy. Rather than framing it as a “talk,” keep the conversation open by actively listening and validating responses with follow-up questions. Back-to-back questions could feel like an interrogation rather than an opportunity for meaningful dialogue.

Introduce options collaboratively

Present the relevant support options in a way that emphasizes the benefit to their quality of life and comfort. Ask for input on what choices may be the best fit based on their preferences and finances. Money can be an especially delicate topic, but you can explain that open discussions are necessary to make informed decisions. Show that you’re trying to be helpful, not intrusive. 

Managing resistance

Despite the best intentions, preparation, and approach, your loved one may have a negative reaction to the conversation. Keep in mind that caregiving topics can bring up difficult feelings, making them challenging to address. To show you are listening with an open mind, rephrase and repeat back to them what you hear. If the conversation doesn’t go smoothly, here are some tips for handling resistance and providing calm reassurance. 

Denial or refusal of help

Patience can go a long way in building trust. Remember the ultimate goal is shared decision-making for your loved one’s care and well-being, and it could take time for them to accept change. Remind them that you have their best interest in mind and allow them some space to process. Recommendations from a third-party professional, such as a healthcare provider, also can help. 

Aversion to technology

Discussions about technology like Greenlight Family Shield can focus on the benefits of safety and protection to help alleviate any concerns. Explain how Greenlight’s monitoring provides a second set of eyes and prevents small mishaps from becoming bigger problems — and it’s for all ages. If you’re using it yourself, share why. The goal is to support their independence and quality of life, not invade privacy. Help them understand the enormity of the financial fraud problem that older adults face and what’s included in Family Shield.

Feelings of losing control

Empathize with your loved one, because it is hard to think about losing autonomy. Assure them that you are not trying to take over their life — you are offering support and solutions for more control and independence for longer. Start with small steps rather than sweeping changes. 

Outlining choices will help empower their feeling of control, but be sincere and avoid sounding like you are their parent. Even though you may be providing more support, it’s important to respect that your parent is an independent adult. 

Building a support team

Caregiving is more manageable and less stressful when it’s a team effort. Ask trusted family members and close relatives or neighbors how they are willing to help and seek out available resources or professional help for additional support. Involve the whole team in ongoing discussions so that everyone is working together. 

Family caregiving roles & roster

When the support team is assembled, define clear roles and decide who is responsible for what, whether it’s emotional support or household tasks. For example, a neighbor might visit regularly in person, a nearby relative may drive to appointments, and a long-distance relative may help manage grocery delivery or finances. A strong support network can ensure the necessary care is available day to day or in an emergency, with more peace of mind. Find more resources for caregivers on our blog. 

Professional help

In addition to healthcare providers and geriatric care coordinators, there are a variety of professionals to support older adults and families. Elder law attorneys and financial advisors can help ensure that the essential documents, such as a power of attorney, and plans are securely in place for your senior loved one.

A safe future

When you start the caregiving conversation early, you’re laying the groundwork to make the most informed decisions to fulfill your senior loved one’s wishes for their future. Together, you can help them navigate and thrive in this season of life. Feel supported taking that first step today, relying on expert guidance and technology like Family Shield that protect your senior loved ones’ financial, digital, and personal safety.

Sign up for Greenlight Family Shield to protect your senior loved ones and their finances, so you can all enjoy more and worry less.