How to help a child with anxiety: 6 healthy techniques

Dealing with anxious feelings is a common challenge at any age. But it can be especially challenging for kids who may not fully understand their feelings or how to identify them. As a parent or caregiver, there are steps you can take to help your child manage their feelings of anxiety, stress, or worry. Here are six ways to support and guide your child through anxious moments.

1. Validate their feelings

The first step in helping anyone navigate anxiety, including kids, is to acknowledge their feelings. Let your child know it's normal to sometimes feel anxious, worried, and scared. Validating kids’ feelings by creating a safe space to share and allow those emotions can help them feel heard and supported.

2. Teach coping strategies

Coping strategies are techniques or activities that can help reduce stress and manage anxious thoughts. Healthy coping strategies for kids might include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or talking to a trusted adult. Teaching your child a few strategies and encouraging them to use them can help build their ability to cope better when anxiety arises.

Healthy coping strategies for kids

• Deep breathing: Have your child take deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth. This can help calm the body and mind. This is an easy strategy to model, as well, by doing it with them or doing it yourself when stressful situations happen.

• Progressive muscle relaxation: Have your child tense and then relax different muscle groups in their body, one at a time. This can help release tension, improve blood flow, and promote relaxation.

• Talking to a trusted adult: Encourage your child to talk to you or another caregiver when anxious. Sometimes, simply talking about feelings can help alleviate them.

• Meditation and quiet time: Introducing your child to a guided meditation or quiet, non-media time can also be beneficial in managing anxiety. Several studies have shown that practicing mindfulness at home or school can improve psychological functioning and lower blood pressure and heart rate. There are many free resources available online or through apps for children.

• Play: Encourage your child to engage in creative or physical activities they enjoy, such as playing outside or taking a walk. Science shows that physical activity positively affects mental health.

• Safe spaces and distance: If your child becomes overwhelmed in certain situations, creating a safe space or having distance from the trigger may help them regulate their emotions. For example, if they feel anxious at a crowded event, take breaks outside or find a quiet corner to relax.

3. Practice positive self-talk

Anxious thoughts often stem from negative self-talk. You can help your child learn how to identify and challenge their negative thoughts by replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. This can help reduce their anxiety and improve their overall mindset.

4. Reality-test their worries

Anxious thoughts can sometimes be irrational - even though they feel pretty rational! Helping your child “reality test” their worries is one approach. You could ask them questions like "Is what you're worried about likely to happen?" or "What are some other possible outcomes?" 

5. Keep anticipatory periods short

Anxiety in kids often stems from worrying about future events. To help reduce this anxiety, try to keep anticipatory periods short. For example, instead of telling them they will get a shot at the doctor in two weeks, wait to talk about it until much closer to the appointment date. Depending on your child, this could help them by shortening the time any anxieties have to build. 

For older kids and teens, this might mean saving more serious discussions for when you have the time rather than giving a ”we need to talk” warning, which can trigger worry in some kids.

6. Encourage a growth mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that you can improve your abilities through hard work, perseverance, and determination. Encouraging your child to adopt a growth mindset can help them overcome anxiety by teaching them they can improve and change their thoughts and behaviors.

Parents can help foster a growth mindset by praising effort and results, emphasizing the importance of learning from mistakes, and helping kids set achievable goals.

Communication helpers: Tips for fostering supportive interactions

While all kids and their reactions to anxious thoughts and feelings are different, there are some areas where we as parents can help keep conversations and interactions positive and productive. Keeping these ideas in mind when talking about emotions can help boost your chances of helping your child. 

Sometimes “don’t worry” can feel dismissive

Many of us naturally want to reassure our kids that there’s nothing to worry about. But for some kids, phrases like “don’t worry” or “it’s not a big deal” can sound like what they’re feeling isn’t real or important. This is where the “validate first” technique can help set a more supportive tone. 

Engaging in or modeling avoidance

While it may be tempting to avoid situations that trigger your child's anxiety, sometimes avoidance can enable or reinforce their fears. Avoidance without teaching other coping skills can cause prolonged anxiety in the long run. 

Eliminating anxiety

It's impossible to eliminate all sources of anxiety for your child. However, helping them develop coping strategies and skills to manage their anxiety when faced with triggers can help them better manage inevitable worries. 

Final thoughts

Learning, modeling, and teaching kids positive ways to cope with anxious feelings can be extremely beneficial for their overall coping skills. Remember that it can also be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in working with kids and anxiety. Using a combination of evidence-based strategies and tools, including the ones suggested here, can help you and your child more effectively navigate feelings of anxiety together.