How to motivate a teenager

If you’ve ever found yourself comparing the task of motivating a teenager to training a cat to swim or getting a selfie with Bigfoot, you’re in the right place. It’s normal for teens to resist sometimes. But kids and parents also know that becoming more independent is a critical part of growing up and paving the way for success as an adult. If your teen needs a pick-me-up, try some of these psychology-tested tactics.

The keys to motivation: Top tips to engage your teen

Much research shows that having agency plays a big role in healthy kids who are self-disciplined and self-motivated. Part of learning to be more independent comes from having more control over one’s life. Ironically, parents can often help motivate teenagers by backing off a bit - with love and trust. Let’s dive into some effective ways to motivate your teen.

1. Understand their interests

One of the best ways to motivate a teenager is by understanding what they are passionate about. Take an interest in their hobbies, music taste, and general likes and dislikes. This can help you connect with them deeper and find ways to incorporate their interests into everyday tasks.

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It can also be helpful to make sure there’s adequate time in your teenager’s schedule to pursue these interests, which can be forms of stress management, mindfulness, and self-reflection. 

2. Be a team

"Us against the problem, not against each other" can be a helpful motto for parenting teenagers. When possible, try to avoid power struggles and instead focus on working together to find solutions. This can help teens feel heard, respected - and more in control - hopefully leading to a more positive attitude toward their responsibilities.

3. Communicate respectfully

Things like nagging or lectures can often backfire and lead to resistance and even rebellion. Parents can model active listening, empathy, and open communication with their teens. Often, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, a teenager who feels heard and understood may be easier to motivate eventually. 

4. Offer rewards and incentives

Teenagers are often motivated by instant gratification, so offering a reward or incentive for completing tasks large and small can be effective. Just make sure the reward is something they truly want.

5. Give them autonomy

Teenagers crave independence and control over their lives. Allowing them to have some say in decisions and tasks can help increase their motivation. When possible, ask for their input and make them feel like they have a choice or some influence over the decision at hand. 

6. Set achievable goals

Unrealistic expectations can lead to discouragement and lack of motivation. Help your teen set realistic goals that align with their interests and abilities. Combined with breaking larger tasks into smaller milestones, this can help keep kids motivated to continue striving for success.

7. Model resilience and positivity

As parents, our behaviors and attitudes can significantly influence our teenager's motivation. Showing them healthy ways to handle challenges with determination and positivity can help inspire them to follow suit.

8. Praise efforts as well as results

If you’re a parent, you may have invoked the phrase “it’s about the journey” before. Praising effort is a similar concept. Giving your teen recognition and praise for their efforts and progress can help them feel valued and motivated to continue putting in effort.

9. Try to avoid comparison

Comparing your teen too often to others can be demotivating to self-esteem. Focus on their unique strengths and encourage kids to improve at their own pace.

10. Understand the root cause

Sometimes, unmotivated behavior can be a symptom of bigger issues, such as feelings of anxiety or low self-esteem. Taking the time to understand what may be causing your teen's lack of motivation may help address those underlying issues.

With patience, understanding, and effective communication, you can help your teen find the right balance for themselves. As parents, offering support, praise for their efforts, and respect for their autonomy can help bring you several steps closer to raising a motivated and successful person.