What is helicopter parenting? Pros, cons, and solutions

Helicopter parenting is a term that has gained considerable traction over the years. It describes a particular style of parenting characterized by a parent’s “hovering” over their child, whether it’s being overprotective, controlling, or overinvolved in a child’s life – sometimes with negative impacts on the child or the relationship. 

It can also manifest in parents taking excessive responsibility for their kids's experiences, especially their failures or successes.

Origin of the term

The term "helicopter parent" was first seen in the 1969 book "Parents & Teenagers" by Dr. Haim Ginott. It came from a teenager cited in the book who described his mother as a helicopter watching from above. 

You might hear the term mentioned in conversations about toddlers and school-age kids. But it can happen at any age, including high school and college if parents overly involve themselves in their child’s schedule, academics, extracurricular activities, and other life decisions.

What is helicopter parenting’s root cause?

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Several factors contribute to helicopter parenting, including but not limited to:

Fear of the “what if?”

Some parents can go from normal concern to overprotection from the potential consequences of their child’s actions. For example, a parent might not allow their child to visit a playground for fear of germs, or to attend a particular school because of one student’s bad experience. These fears might be fueled by stories of other kids who suffered significant setbacks or harm in similar scenarios.

Protection from failure or discomfort

No parent wants to see their child struggle or be in pain. But we can sometimes go overboard trying to shield kids from potential harm or failure. Micromanaging can be a helicopter behavior, trying to control the outcome to ensure a bright future. That could be anything from doing too much of your child’s school project to calling their boss to ask for a raise. Experiencing some discomfort is normal and healthy. Facing reasonable challenges helps us learn to persevere. 

Overcompensation

Some parents engage in helicopter parenting because they’re projecting their own experiences, insecurities, or desires. Maybe they grew up without enough resources, support, or opportunities and feel compelled to make up for it. This is a normal feeling, but doing too much or making too many decisions for kids can lead to a lack of independence and self-sufficiency. 

For example: It’s normal to help kids look for jobs or prepare for an interview. But one study by ResumeTemplates found that 25% of those surveyed have brought their parents to a job interview.

Peer pressure

The desire to keep up with the Joneses can also result in helicopter parenting. Observing other parents who are highly involved in their kids’ lives can create a sense of obligation or even competition. Some parents might feel that if they’re not equally involved, they’re failing their kids or putting them at a disadvantage. This peer pressure can lead to a cycle where parents continuously escalate their level of involvement, their kids’ activities, or their spending to match or surpass that of their peers.

The psychology behind helicopter parenting

At its core, helicopter parenting usually stems from anxiety and fear that kids won’t be able to handle certain challenges on their own. This belief, whether conscious or unconscious, may drive some parents to take excessive control. Some psychological theories suggest this behavior might also be linked to a parent's self-esteem and identity being heavily invested in their child's achievements.

Potential impacts on development

Some healthy hovering can be great for kids! But so-called helicopter parenting can have downsides for some kids. Here are a few of the ways extreme helicopter parenting can potentially affect developmental areas:

• Lack of independence: If a child doesn’t learn to make decisions for themselves it can lead to difficulty making decisions or being able to think on their feet. 

• Lower self-esteem: If never allowed to succeed on their own, some kids may worry they’re not good enough.

• Feelings of anxiety: Constant oversight can signal to kids that the world is a dangerous place they can’t navigate alone, which can lead to fear of failure and trying new things.

• Poor coping skills: Not being allowed to try and fail can lead to a lack of resilience. Letting kids make mistakes helps encourage a growth mindset. 

Examples of helicopter parenting

An example of helicopter parenting is a parent completing their child’s school project to ensure a high grade, rather than allowing the child to do it themselves and accept the outcome. This misses a learning opportunity but also sends a message that their efforts aren’t good enough without parental intervention.

Another instance could be parents who constantly monitor their college-aged child's grades and social activities, intervening at any sign of trouble rather than letting the child handle it themselves.

Tips for mitigating helicopter parenting behaviors

For parents worried they might be veering into helicopter territory, consider the following suggestions:

1. Encourage independence: Allow your child to make age-appropriate decisions and face the natural consequences.

2. Foster problem-solving skills: Instead of rushing to solve every problem, guide your child through considering various solutions.

3. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around your involvement in your child’s life, especially as they grow older.

4. Seek support if needed: If you struggle with letting go, consider speaking with a therapist to explore why.

Supporting healthy child development

There are many different types of parenting. Helicopter parenting is just one of them – and not inherently good or bad! But there are advantages to stepping back so kids can experience life's ups and downs, which helps develop resilience, independence, and a strong sense of self. Even small changes in giving kids more freedom and responsibility can significantly benefit their personal growth and development.

This blog post is provided "as is" and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional advice. Some content in this post may have been created using artificial intelligence; however, every blog post is reviewed by at least two human editors.