Caring for aging parents: A checklist for adult children

For many of us, there may come a time where we’ll have to provide care for parents or other older relatives — either during or after raising our own kids. It can be hard for senior loved ones to ask for help or know when they need more support from family. The best thing you can do is proactively prepare for when taking care of your senior loved ones will become a priority. 

How to talk to your parents about their future care

A challenging part of watching your parents grow older is helping them realize when they may need more help. After all, they may have raised you or known you since you were in diapers, and to them, you may still be their child. The idea of you taking care of them might feel backward. Conversations about their health, finances, and future care arrangements are deeply sensitive ones that should be approached with respect.

Before you're ready to have the conversation, note any particular changes in their mental or physical health. Mental signs of concern may include short-term memory loss, talking in circles, absent-mindedness, or recounting the same stories. Physical signs of concern may be easier to spot, like sudden weight loss or gain, poor diet, unsteadiness, falling or unexplained bruising, or disheveled appearance and lack of grooming. Sometimes, their home provides clues, like unwashed dishes, overflowing trash cans, or unusually cluttered spaces. Do your research about what different symptoms may mean and consult a doctor before raising the subject to your parents.

It's important to start the conversation early and be supportive. Ask your senior loved ones what their wishes and preferences are for this season of life.

Learn what your parents' wishes are

Be a financially smart family!

Be a financially smart family!

From saving for the future to understanding credit, see how families are thriving with Greenlight.

Try Greenlight today

One of the main reasons why it's important to start the conversation early is so that you can learn what your parents' wishes are. It might not be something you've talked about before, and you might be surprised by their answers. Some of the important preferences to find out include:

• Their medical wishes for care and comfort

• Their end-of-life wishes, including do-not-resuscitate (DNR) instructions

• Where they'd like to live

• What they'd like to do with their sentimental items

Understanding what your parents want will help you provide better care for them when they're no longer independent. This is one of the most important ways to honor them and allow them to retain their agency later in life.

Legal considerations

When talking with your senior loved ones, it’s important to consider certain legal steps. Here are some of the important documents that should be discussed.

• Power of attorney: Who will have the authority to make financial decisions if they are no longer able to?

• Healthcare proxy: Who will have the authority to make decisions about their healthcare if they're no longer able to?

• Living will: What are their preferences for medical care if they don't elect a healthcare proxy to make those decisions?

• Advanced directives: What would they like medical professionals or family members to do in the event of specific situations if they're unable to communicate their wishes?

Meeting with an elder law attorney early is a good idea. You don't have to be present, but you should encourage your senior loved ones to arrange their affairs well ahead of time. 

Financial considerations

It's essential to make a financial plan for your loved ones' care. Even if you're taking on the caregiving responsibilities yourself, it can be expensive. Sometimes, your parents or loved ones will have set money aside for future care. 

If they're open to it, it's a good idea to meet together with a financial advisor to review your parents' finances and assets, bills, and insurance policies. Working with your parents and an advisor will allow you to establish a financial game plan for how to manage both their standard bills and the projected ones for future caregiving. 

This is the time to have conversations about selling assets or property to fund their care or update their insurance policies to get the best coverage possible.

Medical considerations

If they are open to it, you can go to the doctor with your parents to understand their specific health issues. If you're a healthcare proxy, it's especially important to understand your parents' wishes and their medical needs so you can properly advocate for them.

Will they need medication? Do you need to make significant changes to their home layout? Do you need to purchase specialized medical equipment? All of these are important to know so that you can plan out their insurance coverage, work with Medicare, and plan their budget for their long-term healthcare needs.

Discussing future living arrangements

Many older adults want to stay in their homes for as long as possible. It's important to discuss future living arrangements with your aging parents or loved ones. There are typically three scenarios to explore:

• Aging in place: Staying at home, possibly with a caregiver

• Independent living community: A living facility that offers amenities and activities for an active, social lifestyle without the responsibilities of home ownership or management

• Assisted living: A living facility that prioritizes support for older adults who need help with activities of daily living or medical oversight and medication management

Naturally, each of these options depends largely on your parents' or loved ones' health. Depending on their unique circumstances, many older adults can comfortably stay at home with minimal help from a caregiver.

Some older adults opt to move into an independent living community for a more social lifestyle that’s optimized for this stage of life. In some cases, what’s best for an older adult and their family is for the older adult to receive more targeted support in an assisted living facility. 

Each of these options has specific considerations, particularly financially. In 2023, A Place for Mom found that the average cost for an independent living community was $3,100 per month. A 2023 Genworth survey found that assisted living is more expensive, at $5,350 per month. Nursing homes typically cost more than assisted living due to the high level of medical services offered. And, in-home care can cost on average about $30 an hour, depending on where you live. 

Health, personal preferences, and budgets all play a role in determining the best living arrangements for older adults — so it's important to have these conversations as early as you reasonably can.

Creating a caregiver plan

While this caring-for-aging-parents checklist will help you prepare, it's important to break your parents' needs down into a specific caregiver plan. Each family member should understand their individual responsibilities and how they might correlate with who the primary agent is for power of attorney or healthcare proxy. For example, one family member could provide help with paying bills and financial matters while another attends doctor’s appointments and makes healthcare decisions. 

Ultimately, the right plan for your family will come down to the conversations you have from this checklist. Depending on your parents' wishes, their health, and their finances, there are several different scenarios that might play out. That's why it's essential to have these conversations before an unexpected health event. Proper planning will allow you to honor your parents' wishes and more effectively navigate the legal, financial, and medical considerations that arise. 

With patience, respect, and understanding, you can work together to develop a care plan that includes the entire family and prepares everybody for the next step.

For resources on family and financial planning, read more in Greenlight's Learning Center.