A guide on how to grow up

Growing up is a long, exciting, and sometimes scary journey. You've spent years getting older and more mature. Now, you face that critical moment, when you must step over the threshold and become an adult.

Whether you're making that transition yourself or helping a younger person, there are guideposts that can help you along the way. Here are nine tips on how to grow up and take charge of your life, wherever you might be starting from.

1. Identify and understand your personal values

When teens transition to adulthood, they start making big life decisions for themselves. These include where to live, what career to pursue, and whom to form a romantic relationship with. These decisions can impact a person's well-being for years, and potentially even a lifetime.

Understanding your values can help you build a future that feels right. Instead of acting on impulse, as a child might, you should make thoughtful decisions based on who you want to be.

2. Take responsibility for your life and actions

Another important step toward adulthood is accepting that your choices determine how your life goes. That means:

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• Planning for the future: Set goals and determine the steps you'll need to take to achieve them.

• Learning from your mistakes: When something doesn't go as planned, consider what you could do differently next time.

• Seeking solutions: Know that you have the agency and ability to solve problems, even if you didn't cause them.

• Holding yourself accountable: Honor your commitments and accept responsibility for your mistakes.

These skills are great places to start if you're wondering how to help an immature child grow up — or if you're committed to growing up yourself. Responsibility is the foundation of independent adulthood.

3. Embrace emotional intelligence and develop emotional maturity

Children can be emotionally impulsive, and they often let their feelings run away with them. Part of learning how to grow up is deciding to leave that impulsiveness behind and become emotionally mature.

Emotional maturity means being able to:

• Identify and describe your feelings

• Express your emotions effectively, without harming yourself or others

• Understanding how you affect others' emotions

Emotional intelligence is the skill set that allows you to accomplish all of this. An emotionally intelligent person can recognize, understand, and safely respond to their emotions and those of others. Some experts believe emotional intelligence is even more critical to success than cognitive intelligence because it makes someone a better leader and teammate.

4. Build healthy and long-lasting habits

When you're a child, adults are responsible for your health and wellness. You might be lucky enough to have parents who reminded you to brush your teeth, told you when to go to bed, and kept you from eating too much candy. They did it because your habits determine your health. 

As an adult, you're responsible for maintaining a healthy lifestyle — and the sooner you start, the better. Research shows that adolescents with healthier habits went on to have better health in young adulthood, measured through age 31.

Healthy habits include staying active, getting enough sleep, and eating a balanced diet.

5. Cultivate a flexible and positive mindset

Taking responsibility for your life doesn't mean you'll always be able to control what happens. That's why common advice for graduates and other young adults is to stay flexible, especially when things don't go how they want.

Thinking positively helps you cultivate a flexible mind. When you have a positive thought, your brain releases neurotransmitters that make you feel calmer and more focused. That focus enables you to think of new ways to handle a situation.

Positive thinking even creates new synapses in the brain. It allows you to reflect on the situation and develop new ideas. You're more flexible and creative when you think optimistically.

6. Reflect on past experiences and show self-compassion

It's important not to confuse responsibility and self-determination with self-blame. Part of maturity is holding yourself accountable for your actions, but you should do so compassionately. 

Self-compassion is beneficial for your overall health and well-being. While self-criticism can contribute to mental health problems, such as depression and eating disorders, self-compassion is a healing factor.

Be compassionate as you think about where you've been and what you can learn. Remember that you've grown up more every year, and as you know better, you do better. Instead of blaming yourself for past mistakes, reflect on what you would do differently now.

7. Be respectful and appreciate different perspectives

Most kids live in a small world of school, family, and community. As you grow up, you may encounter more people whose backgrounds and values differ from yours. That's especially true now that the United States is becoming increasingly diverse, with more people coming in from other countries and identifying as multiracial. 

If you can learn from people who think and live differently than you, you'll be able to grow and thrive as an adult. 

8. Keep seeking new activities and experiences

Learning about the world continues even when you become an adult. Trying new things expands your mind and reveals opportunities you may not have known existed. No matter how busy you get, always make time for novel experiences.

9. Build a supportive network of friends and family

Independence is an important part of adult life, but so is accepting that no one can do everything alone. We all need people who will check in on us when we're down, cheer us on when things go well, and advise us when we ask for help.

Make time for the people who are important to you. Be there for them when they need you, and show appreciation when they help you out. A strong social circle will be essential throughout your life.

Stepping into adulthood and taking control of your life

As you learn how to grow up mentally, you'll realize that being an adult is both a responsibility and a gift. You have more freedom and agency than ever, and you can use that agency to make your life what you want it to be.

Keep the lessons you learned here close at hand. Remember to take accountability for your actions, be aware of how you affect those around you, and always strive for personal growth.

Learn more about life moments and milestones with Greenlight, and know that our resources are here to help with whatever comes next.

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