275 dad jokes so corny they’re great
Dad jokes: eye-roll-inducing, giggle-generating, and oddly comforting. Whether you’re here for the cringe or for the connection, we’ve rounded up the best (and worst) of them, sorted into pun-tastic categories.
Cringe classics: The ultimate eye-rolls
These jokes walk the fine line between charming and seriously, Dad?
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Want to hear a construction joke? Never mind, I’m still working on it.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. I would avoid the sushi if I were you — it’s a little fishy.
5. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
6. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
7. I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean.
8. They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
9. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
10. Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
11. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
12. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
13. I would tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
14. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
15. I was going to tell a joke about time, but I ran out of it.
16. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad away.
18. I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
19. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
20. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
21. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
22. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
23. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
24. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
25. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
26. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
27. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I dyed inside.
28. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
29. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
30. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
31. I told my plants I love them. Now they’re rooted in confidence.
Clever puns for the win
Wordplay so sharp, it could cut Dad’s white New Balance laces.
32. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
33. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
34. I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
35. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
36. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
37. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
38. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
39. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind — it’s tearable.
40. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
41. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
42. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
43. I named my dog “Five Miles” so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
44. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
45. My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
46. What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
47. I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
48. How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
49. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
50. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
51. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
52. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
53. Want something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
54. Why was the broom late? It swept in.
55. What’s the best way to burn calories? Forget the pizza in the oven.
56. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
57. I tried to take a selfie with my coffee, but it was too latte.
58. How do you comfort a grammar nerd? There, their, they’re.
Be a financially smart family!
59. I named my horse Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.
60. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
61. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener
62. I told my wife she should do yoga with me. She said, “Namastay right here.”
63. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.
64. I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
65. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Foodie funnies
Deliciously bad, but somehow still satisfying.
66. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
67. I don’t trust tacos. They always spill the beans.
68. What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A box of quackers.
69. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
70. Why don’t we tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
71. I told my eggs a joke. They cracked up.
72. What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier? A hot diggity dog.
73. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
74. What kind of nuts always seem to have a cold? Cashews.
75. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
76. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
77. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
78. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
79. What do you call cheese that can act? Brie-lliant.
80. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi!
81. What did the peanut say to the cashew? I’m nuts about you.
82. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
83. Why did the orange stop halfway up the hill? It ran out of juice.
84. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries.
85. Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long.
86. What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
87. I burned my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have used Aloha temperature.
88. What do you get when you milk a cow after an earthquake? A milkshake.
89. I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
90. What’s a skeleton’s favorite food? Spare ribs.
91. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
92. I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat ever.
93. Why did the donut visit the dentist? It needed a filling.
94. I wanted to become a baker, but I couldn’t rise to the occasion.
95. What do you call a group of musical peas? A pod-cast.
96. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re shellfish.
Science jokes for the curious-minded
You don’t need a lab coat to enjoy these. Just a love for nerdy humor.
97. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
98. I tried to tell a physics joke, but there was no mass appeal.
99. Why are chemists excellent at solving problems? They have all the solutions.
100. Why did the photon check a bag? It didn’t — it was traveling light.
101. Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something.
102. What did one tectonic plate say to the other? Sorry, my fault.
103. Why did the germ go to space? To find the final flu-tier.
104. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
105. What kind of dog can do science? A lab.
106. What do you get when you cross science and a joke? A bad reaction.
107. Why can’t you ever trust a neutron? It’s always neutral.
108. Where does bad light go? To prism.
109. I asked the nucleus if it wanted to go out. It said, “I’m already surrounded.”
110. Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
111. What do planets like to read? Comet books.
112. How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
113. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
114. How do you know the moon is broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
115. Why do biologists look forward to casual Fridays? They’re allowed to wear genes.
116. Why did the geologist break up with their partner? They felt taken for granite.
117. Why did the cell phone go to therapy? It lost its signal.
118. Why do electrons never crash? Because they have great potential.
119. I told my kids I’d make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
Sports dad jokes to break the ice
For the dads who yell at the TV and still think they could’ve gone pro.
120. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball.
121. What’s a golfer’s favorite dance? The bogey.
122. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
123. What do you call a pig who plays basketball? A ball hog.
124. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They’d get called for traveling.
125. Why did the baseball coach quit his job? He just couldn’t catch a break.
126. I’d tell you a joke about football, but it’s a bit of a punt.
127. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? To tie the score.
128. Why do gymnasts make great spies? They’re good at flipping.
129. Why did the tennis player get so good at baking? Because she had a great serve.
130. What’s a runner’s favorite type of music? Fast-tempo.
131. Why was the baseball team always in trouble? They kept stealing bases.
132. I dated a tennis player once. Love meant nothing to her.
133. Why don’t bowlers ever get into arguments? They always strike first.
134. What’s a cheerleader’s favorite drink? Root beer.
135. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
136. Why are basketball players messy eaters? They always dribble.
137. How do football players stay cool? They sit next to the fans.
138. What position does a ghost play in soccer? Ghoulie.
139. Why did the team go to the bank? To get their quarterback.
140. Why did the boxer go to jail? He hit the punchline too hard.
Actually funny dad jokes (yes, really)
Even the teens might smirk. Maybe.
141. I told my wife she was right. She said, “About what?” I said, “Exactly.”
142. My kid asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall.” I said maybeeeee.
143. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
144. What’s a dad’s favorite app? Nap-chat.
145. Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
146. I asked the bank for a loan to start a chicken farm. They said it was a poultry amount.
147. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant… but then I changed my mind.
148. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
149. My car’s headlights stopped working… I guess they’re feeling a little dim.
150. The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
151. I opened a bakery that only sells bagels and shoes. I call it “Sole Food.”
152. I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s loved. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
153. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He said stop going to those places.
154. I told my son to put the cat out. He said, “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
155. I started a band called 1023MB. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
156. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
157. When my kid said, “I’m cold,” I said, “Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.”
Holiday howlers (seasonal dad jokes)
No matter the season, dads find a reason to pun.
🎄 Christmas
158. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
159. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
160. Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They drop their needles.
161. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
162. What did one snowman say to the other? “Do you smell carrots?”
163. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball.
164. Why was the ornament addicted to Christmas? It was hooked.
165. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
🎃 Halloween
166. Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to unwind.
167. How do ghosts wash their hair? With sham-boo.
168. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
169. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
170. What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
171. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
172. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
173. Why don’t ghosts need makeup? They’re naturally boo-tiful.
🦃 Thanksgiving
174. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The tur-key.
175. Why did the turkey join a band? It had drumsticks.
176. What happened to the turkey who got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
177. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
178. What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin? “I yam what I yam.”
179. Why didn’t the cook season the turkey? There wasn’t thyme.
180. What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
181. What kind of music did the pilgrims like? Plymouth rock.
🐣 Easter
182. Why did the Easter egg hide? It was a little chicken.
183. How does the Easter Bunny stay in shape? Eggsercise.
184. What kind of stories do eggs tell? Egg-saggerated ones.
185. What do you get if you cross a rabbit with shellfish? An oyster bunny.
186. Why don’t rabbits ever get hot in the summer? They have hare-conditioning.
187. What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite kind of music? Hip-hop.
188. What kind of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? 14-carrot gold.
189. What’s a bunny’s favorite restaurant? IHOP.
190. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? He was having a bad hare day.
191. Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail? A re-tail store.
❤️ Valentine’s Day
192. What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “I love you a watt.”
193. Why did the skeleton skip Valentine’s Day? He didn’t have the heart.
194. Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
195. My heart beats for you… mostly when I’m climbing stairs, but still.
196. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
197. What did the stamp say to the envelope? “I’m stuck on you.”
198. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.
199. What do you call a ghost’s Valentine? His ghoul-friend.
☘️ St. Patrick’s Day
200. Why did the shamrock call in sick? It was feeling green.
201. I asked the clover for dating advice. It said, “just leaf it alone.”
202. Why don’t you iron four-leaf clovers? You don’t want to press your luck.
203. What kind of bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.
204. What do you call a fake Irish stone? A sham rock.
Fourth of July
205. Why do fireworks get into arguments? Because they always blow up.
206. What do you call a patriotic snack? Red, white, and chew.
207. I told my burger a joke — it flipped.
208. Why don’t British people do well at Fourth of July parties? They always want to bring up old tea.
209. Why did the duck say “Happy Fourth”? It was a fire-quacker.
210. What do you call the national anthem when your dad sings off-key? The Star-Mangled Banner.
Jokes teens might laugh at
You might even get a smile. Or an eye roll that means “fine, that was kinda good.”
211. My Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem nice.
212. What do you call a typo on a gravestone? A grave mistake.
213. I told my teen to follow their dreams, so they went back to bed.
214. I asked my teen to help with the dishes. They said they were buffering.
215. Why don’t teenagers tell dad jokes? Because they can’t dad-mit they’re funny.
216. I told my teen they should get a haircut. They told me I should get a personality.
217. What do teens and jokes have in common? They both leave you on “read.”
218. Why did the teen bring a ladder to school? To go to high school.
219. What do you call it when a Gen Z laughs at a dad joke? A rare event.
220. Why don’t teens carry cash? Because vibes are free.
221. I told my kid to be themselves. Now they’re just a meme.
222. What do you call a teenager who’s grounded? Off-line.
223. Why do teens hate email? Too many characters.
224. I told my teen to walk it off. They said, “There’s an app for that.”
225. Why did the teen bring their phone to dinner? For emotional support.
226. Why do teens love YouTube? Because reading is too mainstream.
227. What do you call a teen with no phone? A myth.
228. What’s a teen’s favorite cardio? Scrolling.
229. I told my teen to call me if they needed anything. They said, “Can I just text?”
230. What do you call a teen ignoring your call? Normal.
Meme-able dad jokes
If these had photos, they’d go viral. (But here, you get them in pure pun form.)
231. I invented a new word! Plagiarism.
232. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
233. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
234. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
235. I once got fired from a calendar factory — all I did was take a day off.
236. I told my friend 10 jokes to make them laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
237. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.
238. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen — I can feel it.
239. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
240. Don’t spell part backwards — it’s a trap.
241. I’m friends with all electricians. We have good current connections.
242. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
243. My friend said to me, “What rhymes with orange?” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
244. I told my kid they drew a perfect circle. It was pointless.
245. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
246. Someone stole my mood ring — I don’t know how I feel about that.
247. The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
248. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger… then it hit me.
249. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
250. Are claustrophobic people more productive thinking outside the box?
251. If two vegans get in an argument, is it still considered beef?
252. I went to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
253. My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m worried his life will be in ruins.
254. I tried to start a hot air balloon business… but it never took off.
Weather dad jokes
Forecast: 100% chance of groans and occasional chuckles.
255. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
256. It was raining cats and dogs, and I almost stepped in a poodle.
257. The thunderstorm made me break out in a lightning round of jokes.
258. I asked the forecast if it was going to rain. It said, “You dew you.”
259. I don’t need an umbrella — I’m under the weather already.
260. I love wind. It’s such a breeze to talk to.
261. What’s a snowman’s favorite drink? Ice tea.
262. I thought about becoming a meteorologist, but I couldn’t handle the pressure.
263. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
264. I lost my weather balloon… but hey, no pressure.
265. There’s a snowstorm coming. Flake it till you make it.
266. Why did the fog fail its test? It was too dense.
267. What did one raindrop say to another? Two’s company, three’s a cloud.
268. Ever seen a dad try to explain humidity? It’s the moist wonderful time of the year.
Dark humor (still family-friendly)
A little edgy, a little existential, but still Greenlight-safe.
269. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
270. I told my wife I wanted to live forever. She said, “Not with those jokes.”
271. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology — don’t read it.
272. I don’t believe in reincarnation… but I did in a past life.
273. I asked my therapist if I was overthinking. She said, “You just did it again.”
274. I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
275. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The magic of dad jokes: Why people love them
So why do dad jokes hold such a special place in our hearts (and our group texts)?
It’s not just about the punchlines. Dad jokes represent something bigger — comfort, connection, and consistency. They’re predictable in a world that often isn’t. They make us smile when we least expect it. And, best of all, they remind us that it’s okay to be a little goofy now and then.
Whether you’re cracking a joke at the dinner table or sharing one on a road trip, these groaners create moments that stick.
Want even more laugh-out-loud fun?
Check out these next:
Jokes for kids — perfect for all ages.
Money jokes for kids — finance has never been funnier.
Contact names for dad — because “Pops” just scratches the surface.
Father’s Day messages — for the heartfelt moments.
Want more parenting wins? From budgeting to spending wisely, Greenlight’s family money app teaches money lessons for life. Try Greenlight, one month, risk-free.†
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