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How to get better at delaying gratification: A guide for teens and parents

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Have you ever been tempted by that “Buy Now” button for something you never even knew you needed? Or found yourself watching just one more episode, even when you promised you’d stop? In a world where everything happens instantly, learning how to get better at delaying gratification is more important than ever. Today, teens (and parents, too!) aren’t exactly set up for success when everything is built for instant gratification.

In this post, we’ll explore useful strategies, daily habits, and expert-backed insights to help teens strengthen their impulse control and build patience.

Why teens struggle with delaying gratification

We all have moments where we feel we just need something right now, but for teens, instant gratification is part of their everyday life. They’re used to everything being on-demand, making it harder to just hit pause and wait. Let’s dig into why patience can feel so impossible during the teen years.

The teen brain and impulse control

Teen brains are still under construction, which explains a lot when it comes to impulsive choices. "The area of the brain relied on the most during these pivotal years is the amygdala which is responsible for emotions, aggression, and instinctual behaviors,” says Dr. Adolph Brown, clinical psychologist and parenting expert. “This is one of the reasons teens often do not ‘think before they leap,’ or pause before diving headfirst into decisions.”

Meanwhile, Nicole Roder, LCSW-C, DBT therapist and parent coach at Gladstone Psychiatry and Wellness, notes that the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making) doesn’t fully develop until the mid-20s. “Teens are heavily influenced by their peers and social pressure,” Roder says. “This combination of neural development and peer influence makes teenagers uniquely susceptible to impulsive behaviors.”

Dopamine in a digital world

Teens are constantly exposed to rapid mini-rewards that train their brains to crave instant gratification. “When you’re playing a video game, you accomplish small goals every few seconds...each time you accomplish one of these things, you get a tiny burst of dopamine,” explains Roder. Over time, this rewires the brain to seek fast, frequent rewards, making it harder to work toward long-term goals.

Instant access and social validation

Social media “likes,” one-click shopping, and instant entertainment create the expectation that everything should happen now. “The rise of instant access to technology, social media, and online shopping has supercharged an already turbocharged impulse engine,” says Dr. Brown. With so much at their fingertips, waiting for anything feels unnecessary, which makes learning patience even more of a challenge.

Why delayed gratification matters

Speed and convenience are part of our digital culture today, so patience can sometimes feel pointless. But research shows that teaching teens to delay gratification isn’t just about willpower. It’s a skill that shapes their success in school, relationships, and financial health.

Bigger payoffs and more fulfillment

Waiting for something makes it way more rewarding in the end. Roder explains that when teens work toward a goal over time, they experience a bigger dopamine rush and a deeper sense of pride and accomplishment. This was shown with the Marshmallow Experiment, which found that kids who practiced delayed gratification tended to excel academically, socially, and emotionally later in life.

Long-term benefits for teens

Patience isn’t just about waiting; it’s about building a foundation for future success. “Research shows that people who acquire this ability tend to choose healthier lifestyles while achieving better academic performance and building more authentic relationships,” says Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous®, a non-profit organization dedicated to preventing child abuse and providing emotional support to parents and families.

7 ways to get better at delaying gratification

Mastering delayed gratification is not a skill teens (or anyone else!) can learn immediately. It’s a skill that develops over time. Parents can help by guiding teens using these strategies.

1. Start with realistic expectations

If a teen isn’t used to waiting, they’re probably going to get frustrated. But that’s normal! Learning patience takes time. So, instead of expecting perfection, celebrate small wins with your teens as they develop self-regulation skills.

2. Separate wants and needs

Dr. Pion-Berlin stresses the importance of teens understanding the difference between what they need (school supplies, sports gear) and what they want (trendy clothes, impulse buys). Teens who develop self-control and conscientiousness are more likely to make thoughtful financial choices. At the same time, impulsivity can lead to quick-fix decisions that don’t align with their bigger financial goals.

3. Create a financial plan

One of the best ways to teach delayed gratification is through real-world experience. “Teens learn better financial habits when parents include them in real-world financial decision-making processes,” Dr. Pion-Berlin says. Let them pick a big-ticket item to save for, create a budget, and then break the saving process down into smaller steps. This reinforces the value of patience.

4. Teach smart spending habits

Teens who truly understand the value of money are more likely to resist impulse buys. Try encouraging your teens to recognize how small, unnecessary purchases add up and show them how to resist social media ads or peer pressure to stay on track with bigger goals.

5. Use mindfulness

Many teens don’t always think before spending, so encouraging them to pause before purchasing can be a game-changer. Even a 30-second delay can help them rethink impulse spending. Encourage them to consider a simple question: “Do I really need this right now?” It can shift their mindset and strengthen self-control over time.

6. Validate their feelings

Waiting can be tough, and teens naturally want instant rewards. Roder advises parents to acknowledge this struggle instead of shaming teens for impulsive desires. Instead, remind them that bigger rewards (and a huge sense of achievement) come from sticking to their goals.

7. Model consistency

Teens learn by watching their parents. “Parents should teach delayed gratification by showing patience such as saving money for family vacations, waiting for discounts rather than paying full price, and choosing healthy meals and physical activity over fast food,” Dr. Pion-Berlin recommends. These small actions send a powerful message that good things really are worth the wait.

Delayed gratification is one of the most important skills a teen can develop, but it takes time, patience, and practice. By modeling self-control, involving them in financial decisions, and helping them build better habits, parents can set their teens up for lifelong success.

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